Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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