And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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