My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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