The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
