FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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