see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
