Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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