you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
