IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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