I am in a vortex of obligation.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
