So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just want to make out with him forever
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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