Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
it glows. i had to have it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dick very happy bro
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
