last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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