how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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