im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
