Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I think my moral compass just broke
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
