you mean i was at the winter classic?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
