i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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