It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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