census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
