I'm lost and stupid without you.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
