I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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