she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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