Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize