So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
