i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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