I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize