she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
