maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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