u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
