I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
sarcasm needs its own font
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
