I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
