I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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