the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
