1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
