I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
