First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
