hotel room ftw
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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