Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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