EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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