Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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