I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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