When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Randomize
