I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
