it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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