I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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