I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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