my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Success! We fucked roommates!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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