My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He passed out mid-signature
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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