So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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