Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Randomize
