I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm just crazy horny about you
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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