Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
