What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
