dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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