I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
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