May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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