Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
