Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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