Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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