Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
