The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
