I puked a lego.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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