... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
