finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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