i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize