Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
