I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
