You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
