party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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