Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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