I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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