Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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