I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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