there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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