I'm passing your future prison.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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