What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize