I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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