Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
