i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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