So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
