Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
