Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize