These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
