I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
