He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
