ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
