Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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