areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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