Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
