is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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