FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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