If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
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