I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
