So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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