Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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