I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
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