Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
