i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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