I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
