I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
soo... how was my night?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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