I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Its about making memories worth repressing
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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